Terrorists have acquired new high-tech methods and are planning to use sleighs driven by flying reindeer to launch attacks on high-profile targets over the Christmas period, the United States Department of Homeland Security has warned. (more…)

A bank in Northern Ireland was robbed of about $47 million on Monday, and soon afterwards Australia-based Irish comic Jimeoin announced he was quitting the stand-up circuit because he had “come into some money”. (more…)

Prime Minister John Howard will give Australians the chance to exchange their electoral votes for non-voting, Class B shares in Telstra as part of a plan to cement a permanent hold on both houses of Parliament. Mr Howard said the scheme will provide a fully audited vote-buying alternative to the unseemly pork barrelling most recently seen in the pre-election grants to regional areas. (more…)

Employees of a major publishing empire were confused by the recent appearance of Strategy Controller of Forward Planning Design and Implementation Jane Devault in a glossy staff news magazine. In one of the cheerful ‘meet your colleagues’ columns scattered throughout the Murdo Publishing newsletter, Devault reveals her passion for “cheesy ’80s sitcoms”, fondness for Thai cuisine, and alludes to a “wonderful” and “funny” boyfriend. (more…)

A Townsville man in his late 30s says Australians must not forget the horrors of choko - the bland, watery, nothing vegetable inflicted on previous generations by their parents. (more…)

Christmas-time has proven a boon for two work colleagues in Perth, Western Australia, who have broken the usual uncomfortable silences they share when they find themselves together in the office kitchen. (more…)

Foreign Minister Alexander “Deputy Dawg” Downer has turned down an offer to become the new nuclear watchdog of the United Nations, saying he prefers to remain a lapdog to the United States. (more…)

A marginal Grafton company was forced into bankruptcy after a staff member stole a colleague’s office chair, causing a chain reaction of chair reshuffling that saw productivity plummet to zero. (more…)

Aboriginal football hero Michael Long’s walk to Canberra has sparked a drive to relaunch ATSIC as an independent body funded entirely by walkathons. (more…)

Queensland Premier Peter Beattie has called for federal Labor to “sack or back” leader Mark Latham, but a caucus member retorted that what Latham really needs is a “sack, back and crack wax”. (more…)