After an exclusive preview screening of the third Star Wars episode at Skywalker Ranch, the Daily Ripper can confirm that “Revenge of the Sith” doesn’t suck. With George Lucas’s permission, the Ripper can reveal that Anakin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader and in a shocking twist Senator Palpatine turns out to be Darth Sidious/the Emperor! (more…)

Margaret Pomeranz, host of “At the Movies” on ABC TV, has attacked the censorship of the “Crazy Frog” mobile ringtone advertisement. Ms Pomeranz said by covering the frog’s penis with a censored bar the ringtone company was denying the CGI amphibian the right to express his sexuality. “By hiding the frog’s love muscle in the advertisement, children are given the mixed message that one cannot be both a crazy frog and a heterosexual male in modern society,” Ms Pomeranz said. (more…)

Hollywood stars George Clooney and Nicole Kidman have signed on to star in a new film based on the plight of nine Australians accused of heroin trafficking in Bali, following on from the success of crime gang films Ocean’s Eleven and Ocean’s Twelve. (more…)

Legendary rock group Queen has refused to play at the wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla on the grounds of bad taste. (more…)

A threat from all-American superheroes Superman, Wonder Woman and Batman to boycott emergency incidents in Virginia has forced politicians in the southern US state to ditch their planned ban on clothing which reveals the wearer’s underwear. The so-called ‘Droopy Drawers’ proposal had already passed the state’s Lower House, but Senators quickly buried the Bill when the superheroes threatened to strike because they could face $50 fines for their outfits. (more…)

As Catholics worldwide express concerns for the failing health of Pope John Paul II, the Daily Ripper can exclusively reveal that the pontiff actually died on May 16, 1990. An exhaustive search of Vatican records has revealed that the Pope died when a metal fragment from a failed assassination attempt in 1981 entered the Pope’s bloodstream. The secret records further reveal that the Catholic church replaced the deceased Holiness with a muppet due to fears that a leaderless church would falter during the hedonistic 1990s. (more…)

The Office of Film and Literature Classification (OFLC) has banned the computer game “Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s Bulimia Clinic Sleepover” from sale in Australia. OFLC spokesperson Lotta Kutting said the game contained sickening levels of graphic teen cuteness and was in breach of Australian standards. “I almost lost my lunch playing this game,” Ms Kutting said. (more…)

God Is An Utter ****: The Interpretive Dance will open in Sydney this weekend to angry masses of Jesus’ disciples, hopes ‘interpreter’ Matthew Greigson. “By pitching this performance at just the right level of religious satire and outright blasphemy, I think I can raise the hackles of almost every religious group in this region, and be saturated in free publicity,” said Greigson yesterday, nailing up the windows of his house as his partner packed their bags. (more…)

United Pictures has announced Quentin Tarantino will direct the 21st James Bond film. In another major coup, Samuel L. Jackson has been signed on to play super spy James Bond 007. (more…)

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN!In an unprecendented move, unsigned Australian punk band Rank Defile’s first release has bypassed the traditional single-pressing, airplay and launch process and been posted directly as a mobile phone ringtone to various web-based providers. (more…)