Canada this week announced it will not join the U.S. missile defence program, widening a political rift between the two countries. But an amicable soloution is in sight — since Australia has already signed up for Star Wars, Prime Minister John Howard has proposed that Australia and Canada simply swap places.

Mr Howard said just swapping governments by exchanging Canberra for the Canadian capital Ottawa was considered “but we didn’t think Australians would follow the Canadian policy allowing gay marriage. Suck, maybe, but not swallow”.

Australia had already expanded its maritime security zone to include Canada, Mr Howard said, in anticipation of the deal. Arsey speed skater Stephen Bradbury, Australia’s first gold medalist in the Winter Olympics, welcomed the decision and said it could move Australia to per-capita dominance of both the summer and winter Olympics.

George W. Bush said he would welcome Australia moving in next door.

“Australia is just like a little bit of Texas, except it’s much bigger than Texas, even though Texas is purty durn big,” he said.