As Catholics worldwide express concerns for the failing health of Pope John Paul II, the Daily Ripper can exclusively reveal that the pontiff actually died on May 16, 1990. An exhaustive search of Vatican records has revealed that the Pope died when a metal fragment from a failed assassination attempt in 1981 entered the Pope’s bloodstream. The secret records further reveal that the Catholic church replaced the deceased Holiness with a muppet due to fears that a leaderless church would falter during the hedonistic 1990s.

It appears that the deceased Pope’s leading cardinals authorised a branch of the Knights Templar to find a replacement for the Pope.

Jim Henson, creator of The Muppets and Sesame Street, died on May 16, 1990 under suspicious circumstances. Morgue records show that Henson supposedly died of a “rare bacterial infection”.

The Daily Ripper can now report that Henson was “relocated” to Vatican City to bring the “people’s Pope” back from the dead. Reports of Henson’s own demise were greatly exaggerated.

Bank records obtained under the Freedom of Information Act in Britain show that Henson’s Creature Workshop received a payment of $US1.8 million from a Holy See bank account in July 1990. It is believed the said payment was for one of the most elaborate puppets ever manufactured by the company, as well as in compensation for the loss of the company’s founder.

It is believed the Vatican briefly considered using the production team from the 1989 movie Weekend At Bernie’s but instead opted for the “more life-like” animatronics of Henson.

Brian Henson, current CEO of Henson’s Creature Workshop and son of Jim Henson, refused to speak to the Daily Ripper regarding his father’s current whereabouts and would not allow us to speak with Kermit the Frog regarding Jim Henson.

The Daily Ripper has reviewed thousands of hours of video footage of the Pope since May 1990 and it is clear that the pontiff is about as realistic as the Swedish Chef.

Since 1990 the Pope has only ever moved one hand at a time and is always seen either from the waist up (on balconies, in the Pope-Mobile) or sitting in large ornamental chairs.

The “waving Pope” uses a similar puppeteering technique as Big Bird from Sesame Street or Bear from Bear and the Big Blue House. The puppeteer uses one of his own arms as the character’s arm and the other arm controls the head and neck of the character. Invisible fibre wire allows limited movement of the Pope’s second arm, but mostly this non-functioning limb remains at the character’s side.

The “sitting Pope” allows the puppeteer to be concealed in the chair to control the character. This technique was used in The Muppet Movie when Kermit was being brainwashed by Mel Brooks in a similar chair.

The above revelations are further supported by the fact that at Christmas mass last year, the Pope began singing The Rainbow Connection in Latin.

The recent health concerns for the Pope “puppet” were instigated by the Vatican due to Henson being unable to continue the charade. Henson turns 69 in May this year and no longer has the manual dexterity to continue operating the intricate Pope muppet.

The final confirmation of this amazing cover-up by the Catholic church is found in a graveyard in the small Polish town of Plutzkrieg.

The Daily Ripper’s Polish correspondent has located a small tombstone enscribed with the following: “Karol Joseph Wojtyla, Born 19th May, 1920, Died 16th May, 1990″. Polish birth records confirm that Pope John Paul II was born Karol Joseph Wojtyla.

It is rumoured that the Vatican intends to ex-communicate the Daily Ripper for the publication of its findings.