The Office of Film and Literature Classification (OFLC) has banned the computer game “Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s Bulimia Clinic Sleepover” from sale in Australia. OFLC spokesperson Lotta Kutting said the game contained sickening levels of graphic teen cuteness and was in breach of Australian standards. “I almost lost my lunch playing this game,” Ms Kutting said.

“The Australian public is just not mature enough to control America’s favourite non-Playboy twins as they go on a multi-million dollar shopping spree to take their minds off Ashley’s bulimia.”

The Australian chapter of the Olsen Twins Fan Club has protested the rigid ratings system imposed by the OFLC in banning the game.

“You can walk into any computer store and buy ‘Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas’ - a game that allows you to shoot anyone, lead a gang, have sex with prostitutes and which contains high levels of realistic violence,” said Macy Jenkins, president of the fan club.

“In the Olsens game, you may occasionally snort a little coke but otherwise the twins are freakin’ angels compared to GTA,” Ms Jenkins said.

The head of the OFLC, Randy Mann, defended his department’s decision, stating that the Olsen Twins Fan Club was probably a shelter for paedophiles.

“All of our current research shows only children aged 3 to 7 years actually play computer games, that is when they’re not playing cowboys and Indians or hopscotch,” Mr Mann said.

“And with most game systems selling for around $300.00 and games costing approximately $100.00 each, it is clear that these entertainment systems are aimed at young children who need to be protected and not young adults with disposable incomes,” he added.

Mr Mann said the reason “GTA: San Andreas” was cleared for sale was that the sex, violence and drugs in the game were a realistic portrayal of the life of a black American youth.

“You know that their kind all have guns and use drugs,” said Mr Mann.

“We [the OFLC] can’t censor reality otherwise our children would miss out on quality entertainment such as Big Brother: Uncut and Totally Wackiest Hollywood Whores Flashing the Paparazzi, Mr Mann said.

“Children understand reality - they live real lives every day. But when fantasy characters such as the Olsen Twins or even Leisure Suit Larry do something vaguely smutty then I will not hesitate in restricting the majority of the population from viewing the same to protect a smaller minority.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go and watch a shitload of porno movies,” Mr Mann chuckled.