God Is An Utter ****: The Interpretive Dance will open in Sydney this weekend to angry masses of Jesus’ disciples, hopes ‘interpreter’ Matthew Greigson. “By pitching this performance at just the right level of religious satire and outright blasphemy, I think I can raise the hackles of almost every religious group in this region, and be saturated in free publicity,” said Greigson yesterday, nailing up the windows of his house as his partner packed their bags. (more…)
United Pictures has announced Quentin Tarantino will direct the 21st James Bond film. In another major coup, Samuel L. Jackson has been signed on to play super spy James Bond 007. (more…)
The Bush administration has banned cheerleaders from building human pyramids after a defence lawyer in the Iraq prisoner abuse scandal said there was little difference between the pyramids US troops forced naked Iraqi prisoners to form and those formed in American schools. (more…)
The Australian Government has announced that the proposed sale of the remaining portion of Telstra will in fact bring the country closer to the city, because no-one will live in the bush any more. The announcement coincides with the release of an exclusive Daily Ripper poll of rural Australians’ attitudes to the Telstra sell-off. (more…)
A special Daily Ripper presentation, The Year in Preview goes where other news sites fear to tread — the future. Find out the biggest stories of 2005 before they happen, including the sequel to the tsunami which obliterates low expectations, the fashion freak-out in the Melbourne underworld, and the surprises in store for reigning Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins. (more…)
Vatican insiders have revealed that an impromptu barbecue on a rooftop in the holy city accidentally led to the election of Cardinal Josef Ratzinger as the new Pope. (more…)
Ukraine president-elect Viktor Yuschchenko has pledged a new dental health plan for the nation’s elderly women. Mr Yushchenko was apparently spurred to action by the images of grinning toothless crones wearing his campaign orange that were beamed around the world during the recent election. (more…)
John Howard, the Australian Prime Minister, has used the tsunami aid summit in Jakarta to apologise for the killer wave. Mr Howard, under intense questioning from the Ripper, admitted the tsunami was caused by the botched trial of a top-secret military device intended to flush approaching boat-people back out to sea. (more…)
Wollongong man Clayton Haverty says he is eagerly awaiting the as-yet-unannounced release by Microsoft of Service Pack 3 for Windows XP Home. “It’s not so much that I think my computer needs it, because Windows is already excellent,” he gushed. “Just that I really enjoy downloading and installing those updates. I like the uninstall shield wizard and all the little dialogue boxes that pop up, the disclaimer where you have to tick the little box and agree to it before you continue and stuff like that. (more…)
