The Daily Ripper

No Ukraine result ‘until observers leave’

World | Monday, December 27th, 2004

Officials in Ukraine are saying it could take weeks before a result is declared from the re-run presidential election, mainly because they have to wait until international observers go home.

Opposition leader Viktor Yushchenko gave his regular victory speech to supporters Sunday. “This orange revolution just keeps going around and around, rather like a revolving orange,” he said.

Mr Yushchenko thanked the international community, particularly radio and TV newscasters who have made continued efforts to improve their pronounciation of his surname.

“At first I noticed that on the BBC World Service they were saying ‘You-shenko’ but now they are saying ‘Yoush-chenko’ which is much closer to the mark,” he said.

Vladimir Magdananov, a pro-Yanukovych scrutineer in Donetsk, said he wished the overseas observers would “piss off home”.

“These pesky buggers are not familiar with our procedures and don’t understand that we sometimes have to change people’s ballots, otherwise the correct candidate won’t win,” he said.

“This guy from America called Chad keeps looking over our shoulders. We’re so sick of him we’re just about at the point of hanging Chad. Apparently he’s the same guy who caused all that trouble in the U.S. election back in 2000.”

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