Employees of a major publishing empire were confused by the recent appearance of Strategy Controller of Forward Planning Design and Implementation Jane Devault in a glossy staff news magazine. In one of the cheerful ‘meet your colleagues’ columns scattered throughout the Murdo Publishing newsletter, Devault reveals her passion for “cheesy ’80s sitcoms”, fondness for Thai cuisine, and alludes to a “wonderful” and “funny” boyfriend.

“I know there’s a lot of new people here since the merger,” said Supervising Copywriter Kurt Facer, “but some of these positions are becoming, well, esoteric. Many are vaguely feasible, but this one, this is just silly.

“Strategy Controller of Forward Planning Design and Implementation? You cannot tell me that’s an actual job. She’s got to be somebody important’s daughter. Or niece.”

Nepotism is a time-honoured tradition at Murdo Publishing, with many young and incompetent employees with vaguely familiar surnames being fast-tracked from the mailroom to senior positions throughout the history of the massive company. But the practice of ‘creating’ jobs directly at an advanced level seems to be a recent phenomenon.

“It always pays when meeting a new and especially young supervisor or manager to quickly find out their surname and think hard and quickly. We have a lot of celebrities, sportspeople and entertainers affiliated with our pan-media empire, and you never know who pulled favours for whose kids,” said Layout Supervisor Kelly Sacks.

Suspicions throughout the company of Devault’s non-real job status have been fuelled by numerous sightings of her about the workplace not really doing anything conclusive.

Deputy Head of Graphics Lance Kraatz reported in hushed tones at the nearby staff social club of the morning Devault showed up unannounced to his department, simply “curious” as to what goes on there. Kraatz spent the better part of an hour showing her around.

“I could have been wasting my time really, she might be nobody. We’re very busy before Christmas and I could have done without the guided tours. But what could I do? With that job title she’s clearly somebody’s little favour.

“But you know, I really can’t think of anybody she’d be related to. Devault? The lads have run her name through Google and aside from an obscure Canadian artist found nothing. We’re flummoxed.

“She’s extremely pleasant,” reports Layout Designer Alan Campana, “and a few of us have discussed inviting her out for drinks, but we don’t know if this is a good idea.

“I really don’t know if a Strategy Controller of Forward Planning Design and Implementation is supposed to be senior to us or below us. We don’t want to ostracise her but at the same time we don’t want the tension of not knowing whose daughter or niece she is to weigh down our relaxation time.

“Geez, you’d have to avoid all topics political, sporting or even good old work gossip. Completely.”

Although a little confused as to the nature of her own job, Devault claims to be generally happy with her position at Murdo Publishing.

“Everyone here is so nice to me, but sort of distant. I don’t know why I feel so uncomfortable here, but I suspect it is because I’m not related to anybody famous. There’s a lot of that going on here. If only I was somebody famous’s daughter.

“Or niece.”