Officials in Ukraine are saying it could take weeks before a result is declared from the re-run presidential election, mainly because they have to wait until international observers go home. (more…)

The Queen of Australia has used her annual Christmas message to call for tolerance of British people around the world. “I know we can sometimes be regarded as nothing but whinging Poms, shit cricketers and soccer hooligans,” said Queen Elizabeth II. (more…)

Santa Claus has slammed online Santa-tracking systems which allow children to follow his sleigh’s progress as it flies around the globe on Christmas Eve, saying it is costing him a fortune to escape detection. North American Aerospace Defence Command (NORAD) is tracking Santa’s trip for the 50th time this Christmas. NORAD uses radar, satellites, fighter jets and high-tech webcams to follow Santa over North America and throughout the world. (more…)

Terrorists have acquired new high-tech methods and are planning to use sleighs driven by flying reindeer to launch attacks on high-profile targets over the Christmas period, the United States Department of Homeland Security has warned. (more…)

A bank in Northern Ireland was robbed of about $47 million on Monday, and soon afterwards Australia-based Irish comic Jimeoin announced he was quitting the stand-up circuit because he had “come into some money”. (more…)

Prime Minister John Howard will give Australians the chance to exchange their electoral votes for non-voting, Class B shares in Telstra as part of a plan to cement a permanent hold on both houses of Parliament. Mr Howard said the scheme will provide a fully audited vote-buying alternative to the unseemly pork barrelling most recently seen in the pre-election grants to regional areas. (more…)

Employees of a major publishing empire were confused by the recent appearance of Strategy Controller of Forward Planning Design and Implementation Jane Devault in a glossy staff news magazine. In one of the cheerful ‘meet your colleagues’ columns scattered throughout the Murdo Publishing newsletter, Devault reveals her passion for “cheesy ’80s sitcoms”, fondness for Thai cuisine, and alludes to a “wonderful” and “funny” boyfriend. (more…)

United States President George W Bush has announced the most sweeping intelligence reforms in the US’s history but in doing so made one of his trademark slip-ups. (more…)

A Townsville man in his late 30s says Australians must not forget the horrors of choko - the bland, watery, nothing vegetable inflicted on previous generations by their parents. (more…)

Christmas-time has proven a boon for two work colleagues in Perth, Western Australia, who have broken the usual uncomfortable silences they share when they find themselves together in the office kitchen. (more…)