The Australian Labor Party has dumped its pre-election Medicare Gold and forestry policies but will maintain its platform of signing oversized guarantees of its economic intentions, leader Mark Latham revealed today.

Mr Latham vowed the Opposition would stick with its ‘Super Size Me’ economic approach despite copping flak for signing a massive interest rates guarantee during the election campaign.

“We believe giant cheques, large guarantees and signatures signed with textas represent the future of economic policy in this country,” Mr Latham said.

“The Howard Government may have delivered strong economic growth, low unemployment and low interest rates but they can’t give people what we can - the biggest cardboard guarantees in town.

“I’ll be signing them, Kevin Rudd will be signing them, Stephen Smith will be signing them Stephen Conroy will be signing them. We might even let Simon Crean out of his box to sign one every now and then.”

The Opposition Leader said that if Labor won the next election, no Australian child would live without a giant cheque by 2010.

He said Labor would sign massive guarantees to keep the budget in surplus, to stop Julia Gillard from having expensive inner-city haircuts and to ensure Peter Garrett does not milk Labor coffers to launch a Midnight Oil reunion tour.

Mr Latham denied that Labor was in talks with game show king Larry Emdur to become its new shadow minister for finance and oversized props.

He also denied that backbencher Bob McMullan would return to shadow Cabinet’s economic team, despite the fact his head had already been super-sized.

But Mr Latham revealed exclusively to The Daily Ripper that Labor would consider extending its ‘Super Size Me’ approach to other policy areas, including health and education.

“In terms of health, we got it wrong before the last election. We’ve now come to terms with the fact that Australians are getting fatter - and our new ‘Super Size’ health policy will help people get fatter faster and more efficiently,” he said.

“And Labor won’t discriminate - we want the middle class, poor people, Indigenous Australians and asylum seekers to get just as fat as the filthy rich. This is one ladder of opportunity any obese person can climb.

“On education, the greatest gift parents can give their infant children is reading aloud from giant books.

“If we read our children three giant fairytales a night, studies have shown that they will be able to read giant letters and add oversized numbers by age five,” he said.

Labors insiders say there is also a controversial plan on the table to take the ‘Super Size Me’ policy into Australian bedrooms by offering subsidised penis enlargements.

“Some MPs are pushing for a cashback offer for penis enlargements but quite frankly I’m a bit worried this whole thing is just going to leave Latham looking like a big d*%k,” one senior headkicking Labor stalwart said.