The Daily Ripper

Hair-raising tactics fail to secure Speaker’s hat

Australia, Politics | Monday, November 15th, 2004

Liberal backbencher Bronwyn Bishop failed to win yesterday’s secret Coalition partyroom ballot to elect the Speaker of the House of Representatives, despite using hair-raising tactics in her bid for victory.

Mrs Bishop, a natural blonde, fought it out with facial hair expert Bruce Baird, Pantene convert David Jull, David Mo-Hawker and cut-throat politician Wilson Tuckey.

It is believed Mrs Bishop’s over-use of hairspray turned many MPs off, some saying they would back a Mo-Hawker before a blow-dryer any day.

And in the end it was Mr Mo-Hawker, known as a stand-up middle-man, who won the vote.

Mr Mo-Hawker won despite Mr Baird securing the Prime Minister’s support for the job. John Howard backed Baied even though he is no fan of facial hair.

“I think a goatee can look becoming but I’d stop short at a beard,” Mr Howard said. “But a Baird is another matter.”

Hairdressing icon Stefan weighed into the debate, urging Mrs Bishop to cut ties with the Liberals, to stop being so snippety in public and to show her friendly streak.

Opposition Leader Mark Latham labelled Mrs Bishop “Scary Spice” last week and sources said that after losing the vote, Mrs Bishop flew in a top hair stylist from the 1991 Spice Girls tour.

Despite Mr Latham’s admission, Labor frontbencher Stephen Smith said Mrs Bishop did not frighten him.

“I’ve got to say Bronwyn doesn’t scare me,” he said, “but since she began back-combing many of her colleagues have shied away from her. I do think most balding politicians are just jealous of Bronnie’s ability to backcomb.”

Mrs Bishop has signalled a new do now that she lost. She said she had already spoken to US politican Paul Wolfowitz about his hair-raising tactics.

“There’s no rug I admire more than Paul’s,” Mrs Bishop said. “I just loved watching him lick his comb and slick back his hair in that otherwise silly Michael Moore movie.

“If only Paul’s chest was as furry I’m sure he’d be more popular.”

But Mr Mo-Hawker promised he would keep his style in tact. “I won’t be one of these hair today, gone tomorrow Speakers,” he said.

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